As humans, we tend to get our feelings hurt. Sometimes we get offended. What’s the difference? Hurt is something we feel when when someone does something bad to us, i.e. talk smack or gossip harms us physically etc. Being offended is something we choose. For example, someone’s opinion, being offended is more of a reaction, that’s something we can control.
So often I hear of believers leaving churches and falling away from the faith because they have been hurt. I can totally understand. There have been times I have been hurt by churches. It happens for whatever reason. Long story short, my husband and I were snubbed by the lead pastor on on wedding day. He didn’t officiate weddings and the reason was because that would have been his weekend job, i get it. So we had the singles pastor (who was married, he was a great guy and I’m sure still is) perform the ceremony (side note he had been fired just before our wedding for ridiculous reasons $$$). Anyway there was also a mix up with the room we rented but it the pastor doing the ceremony straightened that out. Despite all that the day turned out great and been married 30 years : ) .
That wasn’t the only time, there have been other times in the past before that that churches got a little petty about things. I’m not going to go into detail, trust me it happens in churches and in other organizations. We are human. But I also want to be sensitive to the fact that there is some serious hurtful things that go on in some churches. Some things that hurtful physically and emotionally and should be dealt with.
Many people leave the church, not just the organization itself, they leave the faith. It’s really sad when they leave because they were offended. Even if you were harmed in some way doesn’t mean you leave the faith, your faith in God.
Look at it this way, you go to a restaurant and receive bad service. What do you do? You most likely don’t leave a tip and don’t go back. Done, easy. That doesn’t stop you from going to other restaurants or stop eating all together. You find other places to eat. The same with our faith and the church. My husband and I never went back to the church where got married but that didn’t change our faith in God. We eventually found another church. Hebrews 10:25 “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (NLT)
We could have gone to the lead pastor at the church where we were married and told him how his behavior made us feel. But they fired the pastor who married us for ridiculous reasons and felt leaving, forgiving and moving on was best. Wait, what, forgive? Yes. Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Sir, how often should I forgive a brother who sins against me? Seven times?’ ” ” ‘No!’ ” Jesus replied, “ ‘seventy times seven’ !”
Though we never went back, we forgave in our hearts. (It may sound like we haven’t in this post but we never disparaged the church, we think about it sometimes, wonder where they are and yes even prayed for them. One day we all will account for it all.
So this post is to encourage those who have left their church or their faith because of something the church did or said or because of something someone in the church did or said. You have two choices; one, confront the person or person(s) or two, find another church. It’s so easy to do these days with social media. But even with social media, finding a church is like looking at a menu online, if you think you may like a church go and check it out in person, just try it. If the first one you try isn’t the one, keep searching. Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Look for a church that is preaches God’s word, preaches the truth of God’s word. Many churches post this on their websites. It maybe under the “About’ tab or “Our Beliefs.” Ask friends or co-workers for recommendations, like you would for a restaurant and go.
If this has happened to you, share your experience in the comments. What was your journey finding the new church? What drew you or made you feel at home?
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I disagree that feeling “offended” is a ‘choice.’ Yes, present time society and the younger generations are using the word “offended” as a crutch and as a manipulation tool. Nevertheless, a ‘choice’ is something you have control over, you can turn it on and off at will. Example: I can make the choice to stop talking to someone. I can make the choice if I want to visit a congregation and which one. I can make a choice in what I’m going to dress, etc., etc. But I cannot make a choice in how others are going to treat me, and “surprise” how I’m going to feel about it!! You just know how to make a sandwich with your opinion using the word of God 😒
Google the words hurt vs offended and it will surprise you.-
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Thank you for sharing your perspective. You make a valid point that emotions aren’t something that can just be turned on and off. We are human and oftentimes we can be wounded, reacting instead responding.
And, you’re right, we can’t help or choose how others will treat us, we can’t control what they will say. We can’t stop the the sting of how we feel after the fact but we can decide if we will let it take root and fester. The hurt we feel needs healing; offense needs release. This is where we don’t choose the feeling in the moment, but we can choose how we move forward.
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