Tag: heaven

healing

Seashells and Snowflakes – Part 2

The Kedge Anchor
Sea Shells on Sandy Snow
by Aluisius Sudiarto

In my last post, I shared shared how I feel mixed emotions when losing a loved one. How can I feel joyful and sad at the same time? How is that possible? In this post, I continue with how I process these emotions.

Routine and normalcy are something that I need to help move on, I think everyone does, but everyone is different. So I try to go back to my regularly scheduled programming. Although I must admit I feel like I am carrying a weight as go back business as usual. So to lessen that weight I find that doing something creative helps with the healing process.

Writing this post helped, a lot. Organizing my thoughts and emotions and getting them out on paper or computer screen was cathartic. Sharing my heart and allowing myself to vulnerable in a way helps. Though I must admit, doing this on social media is a bit scary.

So here’s what helps me and what I do; cleaning. Ok not so much a creative effort but I feel like at least something in my life is in order. Sometimes I get creative when organizing.

Painting, not a room, I like to watercolor and experiment with my art supplies. I like to create and make new things. Sometimes whatever I am going through will inspire a design or thought that I can communicate with an image or with my lettering. There is joy in creating..

Brush lettering, lettering in of itself is calming and relaxing for me, lettering a scripture verse helps keep God’s word in front of me. I can put scripture on just about anything, wallpaper for my phone, if you go back to November 2020 – December 2022, check out Memorize Mondays and you can download some wallpaper for your phone, free. Because how many times do you pick up your phone, right? God’s Word can be right there in your face. James 4:8 – “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you …” (kind of a little play on words 🙂 ) Put on some worship music or whatever kind of music you enjoy, maybe a podcast or a past message from your pastor and just doodle, draw, paint, knit, sew, bake, cook, take a nature walk and take pictures all you need is the camera on your phone, create something. Being creative is one way that helps me be in close proximity to God. (before you say, “I’m not creative” you are, you just need to uncover it.)

Reach out to others, if just to say “Hi” Sometimes I find when I do that that the person I’m reaching to… I made their day, that blesses me. More often than not the other person is having a bad day and needed some encouragement.

Exercise, it’s kinda cold out, not my favorite weather to go walking, but YouTube has tons of exercise videos and it helps boost the happy hormones. Jessica Valant Pilates has a great 10 minute walking video you can do indoors. Seriously it’s enough on a hard day for whatever reason and it helps motivate me to do more.

This is how I have been processing. It’s always uncomfortable and it hurts. Starting the healing process was hard because I wasn’t sure where to begin but with letting myself feel. The rest kind of fell into place when I sought God. For me that often looked like me sitting staring into space imagining Jesus sitting with me in silence because I had no words, other than recalling scripture or listening to a meditation on the Abide app.

In the last post I mentioned how Jesus may have felt resurrecting Lazarus. He may have felt some mixed emotions having to call Lazarus down from Heaven and having to die again one day. But Jesus was also doing something to for Mary and Martha that would make them happy. Perhaps our Father had some mixed emotions as well. God the Father mourned the day His only Son, died on the cross for our sin. Jesus took it all, He took the sin of the WORLD, past, present, and future of ALL our sin and the Father couldn’t even look at His Son with all our sin placed on Him. He had to look away. BUT, after Jesus was buried , He rose again three days later!!!! All so He could complete the plan of Salvation!! So that we could spend eternity with Him and all we have to do is acknowledge the fact we are sinners and need someone to save us and that someone is Jesus Christ. He is The Plan for our lives – John 14:6!

“Sorrow and the scarlet leaf, sad thoughts and sunny weather…” Thomas W. Parsons

Please stay tuned. After I thought about it some more I began to wonder why we have to experience pain, why in some case Jesus doesn’t heal and why He does in others. I may not have the definitive answer but perhaps it may explain some things.

healing, Uncategorized

Seashells and Snowflakes – Part 1

The Kedge Anchor

Grieving is hard, uncomfortable even more so when you’re not sure how to process. Any loss is a reason to grieve, a job, relocation, a home, a loved one, a break up can cause us to grieve. And many times we can experience mixed emotions. As one grieves the loss of a job one can also experience the anticipation and excitement of starting something new. Moving to a new home, we can grieve losing the one place we have, the only place know, but then there’s the excitement of a new beginning and new surroundings, meeting new people and making new friends. Loss is hard and losing someone you love is harder than anything.

My mom recently passed away. But this isn’t the first time I have experienced the vast array of mixed emotions, almost to the point I have felt psychotic. My dad passed away about 20 years ago (just a side note, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact my dad isn’t here) and I experienced the same mixed emotions and at that time, it was all new to me. I experienced the five stages of grieving, however, it was the sadness and the joy of knowing he was in Heaven that had me stumped. How can I possibly feel both? Like I said, this isn’t the first time I have experienced these mixed emotions, I am sure I had them, this was just the first time I identified them . It’s just that when losing someone, for me, these mixed emotions seem to be ever present and very clear and here I am again experiencing the same emotions trying to remember how I got through.

These emotions I found to be most in conflict when it came to socializing or doing something I enjoyed doing. I felt guilty for feeling like I could enjoy myself. How could I? I couldn’t share life or the fun I was having with my dad. I was getting stuck and it was hard to move forward. I came across part of poem in a journal I had and it summed up what I was feeling and I realized that I wasn’t the first to feel this way and it’s ok.

Two days after my sister called me to tell me that the doctor said she needed to go to the hospital, the sooner the better, I booked a flight home. By the time I got to mom, mom was kinda out of it. But her eyes did open wide when my sister told her I was there, and we got to be by her side for a few more days.
One morning getting ready to go somewhere, I don’t remember where, I dumped out a small bag of jewelry that I brought with me. My small gold scalloped seashells and silver snowflakes tumbled out and right there was a perfect image of what I was feeling; seashells and snowflakes were about as opposite of the sadness and joy I was feeling. Two very different seasons rolled into one. It is a very uncomfortable place to be. It hurts. At times I feel a little crazy and not sure what to feel or how to feel it, or process it. Come to find out, it’s ok. As uncomfortable as it is, it’s ok.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says “… to everything there is A season…” I was experiencing two at once. Those mixed emotions are exhausting to me. The whole grieving process of raw emotion is exhausting. But this is how I cope and manage so that I can go on.

I feel the all the feels. Sad, happy, anger, and all the shades of emotions in between, I let myself feel. Cry if I have to, reach out if I have to, pray, sing, rejoice, reminisce, read scripture.

I thank God for giving me my mom and dad, the life they provided for me and my sister. I thank God for my mom leading us to Jesus, His plan of salvation and the promise of Heaven, because if it wasn’t for my mom, my family, I don’t know where I’d be today.

I think about the good times we all had together at holidays, my sister our aunts and uncles close friends, and all our cousins by the dozens.

I know that my mom and dad would want me, want us, to keep going. It’s ok that I take my time to mourn and grieve but I need to move on and live life again, it’s just going to be a little different, take some time and that’s ok too.

I recall the outpouring of love and sympathy from friends and family, their support and prayers. My husband has been a huge support to me and my sister. I don’t think he knows how much just being there helps. We have several church families that have supported us through an outpouring of prayer, texts, emails, flowers and cards. Those have been such and encouragement.

I imagine how Jesus must have felt resurrecting Lazarus. Jesus wept, John 11:35. Though the Bible doesn’t say specifically why He wept, Jesus performed a miracle for Larzarus’ sisters, by resurrecting him from the grave. Jesus may have been happy for Mary and Martha and for all three of them to be with each other again but sad that Lazarus would not just leave Heaven but die again. I don’t know. And I have more to share about how God felt when He sacrificed His only Son.

Please stay tuned, I will share more as I process. This is a lot and I hope my story can be someone’s hope.

If you have any questions or comments please comment below.

scripture

Fruitful in Affliction

The Kedge Anchor
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

“And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

Genesis 41:52 (KJV)

The story of Joseph is one of favorite Bible stories. Who can’t relate to someone throwing you in a pit? We can do that to ourselves by the poor choices we make. But when someone else throws you in a pit… I mean come on, how unfair is that? Which makes me want to be more aware of how I treat others.

If you aren’t familiar with Joseph’s story it can be found in Genesis 37- 47. Here is a quick synopsis. Joseph had eleven brothers who were jealous of him because his father Jacob, loved him best. Jacob had made Joseph a bright coat of many colors that didn’t sit well with his brothers and to make matters worse, Joseph had a dream that he would rule over his family one day. (Joseph was only seventeen at the time.) This angered his brothers even more.
So the brothers decided strip Joseph of his coat and throw him in a pit and kill him. But his brother Judah convinced his brothers to sell him to slavery. They killed a goat, dipped it in the goat’s blood and went to their father and lied saying that Joseph was killed by a wild beast.

Joseph was sold to Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh. Potiphar’s wife was trying to get Joseph to sleep with her, Joseph refused to sleep with the Potiphar’s wife, Potiphar’s wife accused Joseph of rape. When he escaped Potiphar’s wife held on to his coat to “prove” he was with her. And once again, Joseph was thrown into prison. But the Lord was with Joseph. While in prison the prison keeper found favor in Joseph and put him in charge of other prisoners.

You really have to read this for yourself. Eventually Joseph was second to the Pharaoh. Joseph knew a famine was coming and began to store grain for the famine that would last seven years. Joseph’s family would need to go to Joseph for food, but when they see Joesph they don’t recognize him, BUT Joseph recognizes his brothers.

The point here is despite being thrown in multiple pits, the Lord was with Joseph and made him fruitful in his afflictions. There are a few things I have learned about Joseph. One, if you have something to share that God has given you, such as a vision like Joseph, be careful who you tell it to. Joseph was young and his father’s favorite. He probably may or may have not picked up on his brothers’ dislike for him. So being immature telling his dream about him ruling over them wasn’t going to be well received. A mature person would have been sensitive to this.

Another thing I have learned; there is going to be a time here on earth when God’s Word is going to be scarce, whether or not we will see this happen I don’t know. “Give us this day our daily bread …” Matthew 6:5-15. Just as Joseph stored up food for a famine perhaps the “food” could be applied today as God’s Word. Matthew 6:19 – 21 – “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Perhaps we need to store spiritual food in our hearts and minds for days of “famine.” Treasures in this case being the Word of God. Having scripture tuck away in your heart can help you in any situation, not just a famine of God’s Word. It could be a time when you are thrown into a pit or going through a hardship.

The third thing I have learned is that since God asks us to come to Him with prayers and petitions, Philippians 4:6 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Why can’t we ask God to allow us to be fruitful in our affliction? We may not be rulers over people like Joseph but we can be fruitful in ways that we may never have imagined. Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Romans 12:12 says – “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

This could give us a new perspective on our afflictions or trials, to allow God to grow us, to use us to help someone else, to use us for His glory. The Kedge Anchor offers Memorize Monday to help with memorizing scripture with coloring pages. Perhaps there is another method or an app to help with scripture memorization share it here in the comments.